Trust: Walking on Glass

  • Published: 22 October 2017

There’s a hole in the floor

As I walk, I skirt that hole
How strong is the glass

Oh if I fall, What if I fall?

I can walk on the hole

I look straight and walk over the hole
If I don’t look it’s not there

See I don’t fall, I didn’t fall!

But what if I step onto that hole

As I stand and look down

What might I see, what could I see?
What should I see, what must I see?

Mel Fahner 2017

We’re spending the weekend in the country with all our beloveds: a large old farmhouse with the loft beautifully redone. On the ground floor there’s a large ‘party’ area, games for the kids in the old barn and a lovely garden with nooks and crannies and hammocks and skelters; there’s a BBQ, a long, Italian-style garden table and space for the extrovert, the introvert and everyone in between.
The living quarters are mainly in the loft and it is all just too perfect to be true. Which is why the two large glass floor tiles senses. Watch 8 adults and 3 kids navigate these tiles.

Enviable those who steam from North to South and East to West with nary a hesitation: no glass tile or ceiling for them: life is what it is and it’s what they want it to be. They go where they want, unhindered by doubts or care.

There’s them that walk, stop, look, shake their heads, smile or frown and walk on, shaken but undeterred. Life is navigable, even though there might be hindrances.  

And there’s us: oh we walk around the tiles or we take a step and then laugh and step back and try again. And all weekend there is an awful fascination with that hole under our feet. We know it’s strong enough to take our weight. We know what’s underneath: it’s ‘just’ the barn. If the kids are playing, there’s a light on and we can see the ping pong table and that’s safe enough. When it’s really dark there’s only the reflection of the beams above. But we know. Oh, we know the scary stuff that is our imagination, our conscience, our self-doubt. Our gremlins and bogey-men.

Walking on glass is an exercise in trust:

That the glass factory is up to regulations

That the construction man was worthy of his hire.
That you can stand and look at you, through all the reflections, self-doubt and fear.
And finally find: you can steam ahead and forget you were once afraid.


Alter: my other Me

  • Published: 21 April 2017

We all have an 'alter-ego' and some of these voices in our head are pretty mean. They drive us to drink, insanity, depression and into doing nasty things that the other side of us does not like at all. These other sides of us reside in our mind and wake up regularly to tell us how inadequate we are, fat, ugly, dumb: you think of a negative and that voice in your head will have it down to a fine art.

Not-Christmas Wishes

  • Published: 11 December 2016

Hard Times

The last 2 weeks, as those of you who know us intimately have been able to read, have been very bad. I can’t say the worst of our life because hey, distance fades pain and agony and we're human, with all the attendant drama. But bad this definitely was. We are not really out of it yet, either. Himself has been through several serious/critical phases through these weeks and is frail, so we can only sit next to him and nag him into getting better. But this morning my thoughts crystallized through the fear, pain and sorrow: